


Sanders Sides Oneshots

by snowezrogers



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Adoption, Afterlife, Age Regression/De-Aging, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Deceit, Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Apathy Sanders is Ashton, Blood, Body Horror, Cussing, Despair Sanders is Jean, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, First Kiss, Food, Giant Gummy Bear, Hell, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Injury, Insomnia Sanders is Skye, Kidnapping, Manipulation, Minor Injuries, Original Character(s), Self-Harm, Snakes, Swearing, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trust Issues, Unhappy Ending, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, Witchcraft, Witches, guilt tripping, implied/referenced eating disorder, mild body horror, slight body horror
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-02-29 06:30:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18773152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowezrogers/pseuds/snowezrogers
Summary: A place where I'll be dumping my oneshots based around Sanders Sides. If they become attached to any certain series or work I make, I'll update the notes on that chapter to say as such. Most will likely be based on incorrect quotes from my tumblr.Infrequent updates and tags will be updated with each new oneshot.





	1. Cursing War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Roman get into a fight that turns into a cursing war.
> 
> Based on [this](https://snowe-zolynn-rogers.tumblr.com/post/184715571753/during-a-qa-thomas-how-much-do-you-each-swear) tumblr post.

All in all, the tension had been building since breakfast. It had to eventually all spill out into the open. No one thought, however, that it would come to this screaming fest in the living room at ten at night just after movie night concluded. Virgil was currently hiding in his hoodie out of stress and Patton was trying to calm them to no avail while Deceit hid his head in his hands in secondhand embarrassment.

"Bitchnugget!" Logan spat.

"Shitbag!" Roman shot back.

"Whoremuffin!"

"Bag of dicks!"

"Son of a titbasket!"

"You dainty little spitfuck!"

"Rusty cunt bucket!"

And this had been happening back and forth between Roman and Logan for around a half hour. Thus why Virgil was hiding and Deceit was embarrassed by his boyfriends.

"Roman! Logan! Fucking stop it!" Patton had been insisting any possible version of this phrase for the last half hour too.

"Cumdumpster!" Roman finally yelled, trying to one up Logan, trying to come up with anything that would be more creative than Logan.

"No, I think that's Deceit." The logical side announced, ending the fight. Said snakelike side looked up at his boyfriends in shock.

"HEY!!" Deceit screeched.

"Well, you are." Roman reaffirmed. Virgil now screeched, covering his ears.

"I didn't need to know this!" The anxious side exclaimed. Deceit turned yellow with his blush, refusing to look at anyone, even as Logan and Roman apologized to Virgil for stressing him out and Patton for making him be mediator. Logan and Roman called it as a tie when they both were both awarded with a still very blushy Deceit cuddled up between them in Roman's bed, muttering 'lovable idiots' before the deceitful side fell asleep.


	2. Of Deceit And Food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit is given a giant gummy bear and the light sides learn very quickly of Deceit's ability to swallow things whole.
> 
> Based on [this](https://snowe-zolynn-rogers.tumblr.com/post/184788275453/hc-1) tumblr post.

It was Deceit's birthday so the light sides were all playing friendly. Virgil was just waiting, oh so patiently waiting, to give Deceit the presents he made him; a rainbow of giant gummy bears, a small army of them along with two dozen unfoiled chocolate eggs roughly the size of Virgil's fist. He wasn't stupid he knew Deceit wouldn't even bother unfoiling the chocolates. The gummy candies, though, he had to wrap in plastic wrapping else they stick to their wrapping paper.

Virgil knew what was happening from the moment Deceit had received the small army of giant gummy bears and unwrapped the red one first. He knew exactly what would occur. And then Deceit's eyes dilated, body squirming a bit and he knew it was coming.

"Hey, no! Let me get the plastic off." He reprimanded almost unconsciously. He took the plastic covered gummy bear from Deceit's hands.

"Virgil, what are you-" Logan began to ask. The anxious side cut him off holding up a finger indicating for a moment. Then he unwrapped the red candy bear and handed it back to the deceitful side

"Virgil, kiddo, why'd you unwrap it for him?" Patton asked.

"Well, you may not want to actually _see_ why I did but you're free to watch. He's bound to any second now." That called Roman's attention from the other side of Deceit.

And that's when the snakelike side finally let his instincts take over and Virgil cringed slightly, albeit used to it. Dee shoved the gummy bears head into his mouth ears first, jaw unhinging and the left side of his face stretching to accommodate the size of the candy.

"Ew." Came Pattons response and Deceit glanced up from his candy to the moral side.

"It's fine, go ahead." Virgil encouraged him, sensing his discomfort. "Want me to cut the head off for you?" A red-faces nod. Virgil turned to Roman. "Hey, Princey. Can you conjure up some candy scissors?" Roman looked between Virgil and Deciet then wordlessly did so.

"Remember, you've gotta stay still." Deceit nodded again and then held still, waiting for Virgil to cut the candy for him. With no trouble, the anxious side did so and Deceit immediately clamped his teeth into the head to keep it from falling out of his mouth.

"Interesting, you seem to be part egg eating snake." Logan commented, making Deceit only turn even more red as he let Virgil take the body of the gummy bear and he focused on the sugary head still wedged between his teeth. And he fit his mouth around the candy until just the ear was sticking out.

"That's so cool!" Roman exclaimed suddenly and all eyes turned to him instead, including a very red-faced Deceit with the red ear of a gummy bear poking between his lips, a nauseous looking Patton, and Logan looking up from taking notes. Virgil didn't cafe enough to look, focusing on keeping the deceitful side from choking on candy.

"Deceit, swallow or you'll choke." The snakelike side looked at him and then did as requested and swallowed the head of the gummy bear.

"That's gross." Patton stated 

"No, it's cool!" Roman exclaimed.

"It's interesting." Logan chimed.

"It's his instincts. And it's perfectly fine that he does it." Virgil corrected them, glaring rather pointedly at Patton, who seemed to let it go.

The hoodie wearing side offered the gummy body to him now that he had gotten the head into his stomach but Dee embarrassedly pushed the anxious trait's hands away. Virgil put the body back in the plastic casing and set it back with the rest of the still-wrapped ones.

"I think it's awesome! That was so cool!" Roman was obviously excited. He thought a lot of weird things were cool.

"The snek go shlorp." Deceit glared at him, still very much blushing, although his forked tongue was flicking out slightly.

"Open the rest of your presents!" Patton suddenly surged energy to move past the current situation. Virgil handed him another one of the wrapped bears and the day went on.

Deceit ended the day with eight giant candy bears and two dozen chocolate eggs from Virgil, a yellow and black weighted blanket from Logan, a dozen cookies from Patton, and a tiny egg-eating snake from Roman.

'Oh, the irony!' Virgil thought as he nearly doubled over snorting the very minute Roman had toly them it was an egg-eating snake. 'The egg-eater finally owns another egg-eater.' The dinner and the cake thankfully went as planned and involved no jaw unhinging, Deceit at first too embarassed to eat until Virgil offered to eat as much as him and they'd both finished a total of two chinese takeout container and a piece of cake each. Screw their fractured friendship, even if it was just for a day, it felt like old times with new friends.


	3. Roman and Logan's Dark Strange Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Logan accidentally adopt a snake son just simply to spite Patton.
> 
> Based on [this](https://snowe-zolynn-rogers.tumblr.com/post/184832821163/sanders-sides-imagine-instead-of-patton-adopting) tumblr post.

"Ugh! No wonder he's no good at trying to prove a good point! He didn't even speak up this time! He'll never get accepted this way!" Patton had boasted after the newest debate. Deceit hadn't spoken the whole time, or rather, had tried to speak but got cut off every chance that Virgil and Patton had gotten. Logan and Roman had been silent at the deceptive side's attempts to speak to attempt to encourage him to speak, but Virgil and Patton had taken every chance to shut down his opinion.

So they both hadn't commented, not giving Patton or Virgil the satisfaction of knowing they didn't agree with their decision to interrupt the deceptive side constantly to invalidate his completely valid opinion. They did, however both work to make a room across from theirs, on the opposite end of the upstairs hallway from Patton and Virgil's rooms, that could house the snakelike side since Roman had alerted Logan and Logan alone that Deceit's room had moved to a sort of grey area to mark his rejection from both the light and dark sides. So they figured, why not make him a place?

During the first week of making and decorating it, Patton and Virgil questioned them about their use of the color yellow. But they'd waved their questions with the simple 'explanation' that it would be their room for when they wanted to 'sync the left and right brain' and their combined color of purple was already taken by Virgil and that yellow was the only prime color left. It had _nothing_ to do with Deceit having the color yellow.

They spent weeks gaining the deceptive trait's trust. This involved various meets in the grey area and Imagination for picnics they claimed to Patton and Virgil were two-person bonding activities and quests that Logan was assisting.

In this time, Deceit began letting them in his room for short periods of time, he didn't want to corrupt them, seemingly terrified of it and probably rightfully so. The grey area was where Virgil's room had been when it almost corrupted them in the process of accepting him. But they didn't mind the colorful scales that appeared on their hands when they went in nor did them disappearing much affect either.

They got to meet Dee's snakes and their names and they were slowly integrated into helping feed them. Roman's brilliant creative mind somehow managed to connect a door into the closet of the yellow room to connect Deceit's room to it, accessed only via three keys only they had. It then became easier to spend time together.

Convincing Deceit to stay in the yellow room was a slowe and diligent process until they'd even gotten up to urgung him into their 3am cooking and baking sessions when everyone else was asleep, leading them to learn that was often the only time a day that Dee actually ate, or sitting in their respective doorways to just talk quietly.

The explanation they got for his hesitancy to trust them was given as he'd had people he trusted leave before. Likely Virgil, they'd assumed but didn't stress any further. And his eating problems were slowly solved with Roman and Logan consistently bringing him food throughout the day to make sure he wasn’t missing a meal.

They gained his trust and accepted him despite anything Patton or Virgil said about him and took care of him just the same as Patton did Virgil, maybe even more since they had twice the love and attention to give.

Just to spite Patton, they accepted him anyway. Flaws or no, Deceit was _their_ dark, strange son and patton would never get the title of claiming Deceit as _his_ dark, strange son. Because if Patton could be dismissive and irritating, they determined, they could be petty and spiteful. And so that's just what they did.

Both locked eyes over the small curled up form between them with his front moulded to Roman's left leg as he sat up still working on his laptop, Dee's back against Logan's right side as he read laying down on his back with his head propped up on his pillow. The yellow stars on the ceiling glowed faintly past the double curtains around the bed kept any intruders from seeing any of them.

The fairy lights on the headboard illuminated the bed slightly, just enough for Logan to read and Roman to see his laptop's keyboard. Deceit had long since fallen asleep between them while they both stayed up to work or prolong their quiet time, both occasionally looking over their friend to make sure he was comfortable.

Yeah, they made the right choice to trust their precious snake son. They wouldn't trade anything they'd done for him for this end product of a sleepy snake cuddled up between them.


	4. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit finally snaps after a long week of stress.
> 
> Based on [this](https://snowe-zolynn-rogers.tumblr.com/post/185123198328/heyitsmeimjustkindahere-snowe-zolynn-rogers) tumblr post.

It hadn't been a good day. Hell, it hadn't been a good _week_ for the usually faux perky deceptive trait. Of course, his coffeemaker had been broken by Envy this morning before he woke up and that was the starting point of a very bad morning. He was already drunk, opting for a beer instead of his coffee while scowling at the envious trait.

Then he had to break up a fight between Wrath and Pride and he rewarded himself for not getting hurt with a shot of whiskey. His reward was quickly followed by Greed having a temper tantrum over not getting Sloth's sleeping blanket to 'borrow'. And he broke that up and awarded himself another shot of whiskey.

This really wasn't a good day and the past week had been a worse event. Sunday's main event had been Lust trying to seduce Wrath into bed and had been rewarded with a broken leg again. Monday's big event had been Greed stealing every blanket in the house. Tuesday was Envy trying to break multiple things he wanted but couldn't have since they weren't his. Wednesday, Sloth had fallen from a tree during a nap. Thursday, Wrath had left a huge bruise on Deceit's right side and ribs, making it uncomfortable to move around much. Friday, Gluttony had tried to gorge on Deceit's hidden personal alcohol stash before Deceit chased him off and relocated his stash again.

He wasn't in the mood today for a discussion but here he was, having quickly had to practically pour a bottle of mouthwash in his mouth to mask the scent of alcohol on his breath with a gross minty type of alcohol he very much disliked. He was tispy at most, he knew his limits with alcohol _very_ well, yet he was still far past his breaking point. Yet another lit match in the firework box.

He hated the way Roman looked at him like he didn't see him. He hated the way Virgil would baby talk to explain to him or hurl insults. He hated every little undermining comment Logan threw his way but not toward the others. He hated the inches Thomas woul move back when he spoke his arguement. And he especially hated the way Patton kept telling him to leave, multiple times, several of them in quick succession, under the guise of a 'suggestion'.

You see, usually Deceit either locked himself in his room during his finaly breaking point or he went to Wrath, who could easily contain his rampage. Alas there was no going to his room at the second and no Wrath to contain him.

And his breaking point, yeah. That broke with a very quick succession of the others being completely stupider than the dark sides. And that says a lot coming from the man who once watch Pride put salt in his coffee and drink it even after it turned out to be salt instead of sugar.

"Deceit, your arguement here isn't needed." Logan told him and Roman glaced over to grimace at his presence before looking away at the ground and then Logan.

"Yeah! I don't know why he's even still here!" Patton snapped at both him and Logan while Thomas inched away from him again and toward Logan.

"Because he's an idiot with nothing better than harass us. Just ignore the piss drunk in the corner." Virgil hit the nail on the head and Deceit hissed almost immediately hearing the word 'drunk'.

"You know what?" His voice was small at first. But this is the tiny 4'11 man to bring down giants among the dark sides, fight daily with Thomas' inner demons, and lead battles against the Darkness. He could switch that in the flick of a switch.

"YOU KNOW WHAT!?" And his voice flicked that switch, setting off every instinct to fight back. This was  _his_ opinion time. They were  _lying_ to someone actively. But if they didn't want his continued help then so be it.

"This is why I'm an ALCOHOLIC! You five fucking IDIOTS! The dark sides! All of you! FUCK YOU ALL,  I'm leaving to fucking drink AGAIN!!" His word was final, and if it wasn't, he'd shut them up. This wasn't some kind of 'talk louder to get listened to' this was a discussion, not screaming matches. He'd had enough of those at home and he's had enough of them here too.

He summoned a bottle of Everclear, the strongest one he'd gotten, and deemed it preferable to get as drunk as possible to get drunk and forget as soon as possible, before he got home even. So, despite hearing all four other sides, and Thomas, trying to yell and both Patton and Thomas trying to take his bottle away, he down half of it almost too quickly. He then, he drank the other half while sinking out as quickly as possible.

Arriving back to his room with an empty Everclear bottle, Deceit quickly threw the empty bottle on the bed and flopped down next to it on his side. He wasn't stupid, he knew his drunk self would suffocate somehow if he was on his stomach or back.

He propped himself up with a stuffed bear Virgil had won for him at a carnival in the Imagination nearly two decades ago, when they were kinds and they were happy. Maybe he'd be fine in the morning again.


	5. I Guess We're Parents Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman takes Deceit on a quest against the Dragon Witch with him only to return with Deceit as a baby.
> 
> Based on [this](https://snowe-zolynn-rogers.tumblr.com/post/184976737543/roman-logan-its-official-were-dads-logan) tumblr post.
> 
> [This](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/1c/45/b5/1c45b53ce7a54a6de5b9e8acdf98d6d1.jpg) is what Baby Deceit is wearing

Logan heard Roman shut the door with a sigh and, to be honest, he didn't quite expect to see a bundle of black blanket in Roman's arms. Hadn't he dragged Deceit with him?

"Logan, it's official. We're dads." Roman announced. Not this again.

"Roman, please. We've been over this. You can't get pregnant, neither can I. And we're both very gay, we can't physically be parents." Logan repeated the phrase he'd practically memorized over the past couple months. Roman very much wanted kids of their own or even adopt from the Imagination, but Logan wasn't very interested at the moment in yet another, much more tiny, person to look after. The Mind Palace was chaotic enough on any given day without a child being placed in the mix.

"No, not like that!" Roman exclaimed and he set the bundle of black blanket on his lap. It wasn't just a bundle of blanket, it was an infant with familiar snake-like scales on the left side of his body and a yellow slitted left eye. Apparently Roman had gotten to change him before he came back because he was in a yellow and black bee footie onesie and hat.

"This is our new son." Roman added and Logan would have laughed at the thought of Roman purposely turning Deceit into a baby so they could be dads two months ago. But Roman had been becoming more and mor creative with the ways he brought up the idea of them having kids in varying ways.

"Did you do this to Deceit because you wanted a kid?" Logan asked. Roman scoffed in offense and reeled back a bit.

"No! That was the Dragon Witch. But he's our son now until it wears off." Roman explained and sat down next to him on the couch. Logan felt a tug on his tie and looked down to find Deceit happily chewing on his tie, likely teething. Would he have fangs or teeth first?

"Dada." The tiny person babbled and reached up for him with one hand, the other firmly grasping his tie to chew on it. Roman summoned a warm bottle of formula for Dee and handed it to Logan, placing it in his hand and curling his fingers around it and gesturing to feed him.

Logan was a bit in shock at getting called 'Dada'. Sure, he'd denied it the whole time Roman brought up kids, but he wasn't quite sure how to bond with them, or if he even could. But Deceit seemed to call him a parental figure so easily it made him tear up out of sheer happiness.

"We're keeping him even when he grows back to normals size." Logan would have hated the way his voice cracked but he couldn't bring himself to care with a tiny child reaching for the bottle in his hands.

"I know. He's so precious, isn't he?" Roman told him, directing his hand to hold the bottle within Dee's grasp. The snake child happily let Logan put the tip of the bottle in his mouth. Deceit was passed out in his arms quick enough and he couldn't bring himself to let him go.

"So I take it you're ready for kids now. You're almost crying over Dee calling you Dad."

"I conceed, you win the child debate. We'll have kids. After he turns back to normal."


	6. We're A Family Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big day finally happens for the Picani-Sanders, they’re finally becoming a family.

Patton bounced nervously, Roman’s leg bounced nervously, Logan paced, Remy was napping to be woken up, Thomas was swiping on his phone glancing up occasionally, Emile was nervously running through their list of things they’d gotten done in the nursery.

“Picani-Sanders?“ A nurse called.

“That’s us.“ They all raised their hands.

“It’s surprise twins. They’re both boys.“ She alerted them as she wheeled a bassinet into their waiting room. “We’ve kept them together since they won’t let go of one another. You’re officially dads.” She announced, setting the bassinet in front of them.

They all fell both silent and still for a moment. They’d expected only one baby, obviously the bigger one of the two. One squirmed while big mismatched purple and green eyes gazed over them as if he was memorizing them. The other twin, the smaller one, was clinging to his brother with little whines as his brown and gold eyes were shut.

“C-Can I hold them?“ Patton asked quietly.

“Of course.“ She assured. Carefully, Patton picked up the bigger twin, followed by the smaller one when he started crying at the loss of his brother. Roman helped support the smaller twin.

“Hey, Virgil.“ Patton greeted the bigger twin. Purple and green eyes stared at him.

“Do you want the older twin as well?“ She gestured to the smaller baby.

“Yes!“ Emile immediately told her.

“It wouldn’t be right to separate them.“ Logan rubbed Emile’s shoulder.

“They don’t have a names yet, the birth mother said you all and her came to an agreement that you fill out the names. I’ll leave the certificates here with you and I’ll come back in a half hour to see if you’ve decided.“ She left the bassinet and handed Thomas the two birth certificates.

“What do we name this little guy?“ Remy asked as he carefully took the older twin from Patton. Thankfully, the babies were both asleep now and didn’t start crying.

“Well, we already decided on Virgil Andrew Picani-Sanders for him.“ Roman gestured to Virgil in Patton’s arms.

“Wyatt?“ Thomas suggested.

“Too southern.“ Roman dismissed it.

“Victor? After Victor Frankenstein.“ Logan suggested.

“We’re not naming him after a crazy scientist, Logan.” Thomas told him.

“Damien?“ Remy suggested.

“I like that one.“ Emile told everyone.

“That sounds like a good match for Virgil.“ Logan agreed.

“Damien it is.“ Roman announced.

“What about his middle name?“ Thomas asked, he’d written down the name on Virgil’s certificate and was working on Damien’s.

“Well we talked about the name Elliot.“ Remy recommended.

“Damien Elliot Picani-Sanders? That sounds great.“ Roman cheered.

“I like that.“ Patton agreed.

“So do I.“ Logan leaned against Remy, looking over Damien as the smaller twin slept.

“Welcome to the family, boys.“ Patton was busy fawning over Virgil, stroking his dark hair while he was asleep in his arms. Yeah, the nervousness was worth it. They were a family now.


	7. Joan Babysits Virgil And Deceit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When an incident makes Virgil and Deceit babies, Joan is stuck babysitting two infant sides while Thomas and the other sides figure out to do. Something goes horribly wrong.

This was definitely not an ideal Saturday morning, but here they were with two sets of big eyes watching him. Apparently, Virgil and Elijah had been turned into babies by something called a Dragon Witch. At first, Joan thought Thomas was joking. But upon hearing babies screaming over the phone, they realized it was true and had come over to watch them while Thomas and his somehow now faintly visible sides debated what to do.

It was weird seeing these not quite real beings, but dammit if they weren’t cute. Deceit, or Elijah as he’d been told his real name was, was currently trying to catch a butterfly while Virgil played with a little rattle Roman had summoned for him. They were out at a park to get the little guys some fresh air. Joan had just fed both twins before leaving Thomas’ apartment.

The twins were far too young to let them try to run around the park, if they even could. From what Joan saw with them both only newborn, they doubted they could walk, let alone run. But some outside time was probably nice for them. And it gave the opportunity for plenty of cute baby pictures of them with the butterflies that inhabited this park.

If only a woman with a curious look on her face hadn’t wandered up to them and started looking over the twins like they were objects. She’d obviously started out nice, cooing over the babies, introducing herself as Laverna. An odd name, sure, but they knew plenty of people had weird names. An alternative name maybe.

But then, when Joan was distracted getting Deceit and Virgil bottles, Laverna disappeared, and so had Virgil and Elijah. They couldn’t see her or the twins anywhere, they were gone. She took them.


	8. One Big Happy Family (Part 2 of We're A Family Now)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big day finally happens for the Picani-Sanders, they’re finally becoming a family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations at the end.

The house was calm, three year olds Virgil and Damian giggled as Roman and Logan finished feed them breakfast, Patton’s fluffy pancakes and eggs with sweet potato and banana for Damien and avocado and grapes for Virgil.

“They done, guys?“ Thomas asked. Patton and Emile were getting go bags ready for Virgil and Damien while Remy got all of their own ready along with the hospital bag.

“You ready, Honeybee?“ Damien squealed.

“Mama, ayudame, we gotta meet the babies!“ He reached his arms up to Logan for help off his chair, whining to be picked up while the teacher complied and picked him up and put him on the ground.

“En haut, Papa! We gotta meet them!“ Virgil demanded of Roman, the latino immediately picking up the three year old and setting him down to run after his brother.

“We’re all ready, corretto?“ Logan asked everyone.

“The bags are all set up, the boys are getting dressed. Hopefully there won’t be any surprises this time.“ Thomas sighed.

“We’re prepared for that, though!“ Remy called to them from the new nursery. Once the twins were dressed, everyone loaded into the van, got the twins in their car seats, and went off to the hospital.

In the waiting room, the time flew much faster with Virgil and Damien playing with their toys and the adults waiting in various ways for any news. Remy and Emile were running through Emile’s patient schedule and making sure everything was in order, Logan and Roman were working through grading papers for Logan’s college students, Thomas and Patton were watching over Virgil and Damien while also looking at new recipes Patton could try out at his bakery.

Two nurses came in with three bassinets and they all internally groaned at the second baby surprise in four years. Yup, there were three babies; triplets.

“Thank god we have the third name ready.“ Remy was the first to comment.

“Picani-Sanders?“ The male nurse asked.

“Here.“ Emile raised his hand for everyone.

“Garçons, your brothers are here.“ Patton alerted the twins.

“Hermanos!“ Virgil bounced excitedly.

“Okay, there was a third baby and the mother says she’s putting him up for adoption as well and she was hoping you’d take him so they weren’t separated.“ The nurse alerted them.

“We plan on surprises now, so yeah we’ll take a third one too.“ Roman told the nurse. Thomas was trying hard not to laugh. He’d probably jinxed it, they’d all probably claim later.

“And I’ll leave the certificates for you all to fill out and be back in about a half hour to get the certificates and the babies then you can come by and take them home tomorrow since the birth mother carried them to 38 weeks and none of them have any complications.“

The nurses both wheeled the three bassinets in front of them and Logan put his finger against the hand of the one closest to him. They had letters on them to clearly label who was oldest and who was youngest and Logan had the youngest of the three.

“Oi, Murciélago, Abejorro, these are your little brothers.“ Roman plucked Virgil and Damian off the floor to sit in his lap, looking over the crying infants in the bassinets.

“Fratello?“ Virgil asked, poking at the clear polycarbonate of the basket holding the oldest triplet.

“Yup, they’re you and Dami’s brothers, so is that one. You two wanna hold these two?“ Roman asked him.

“Yeah, Papa.“ Roman took the babies from the basket and positioned them both into Virgil’s and Damien’s arms.

“Remy, I swear to Dios. If you don’t get a picture of this, I will personally choke you.“ And Remy did just that, choking back laughter while he took multiple pictures of Virgil holding one of the triplets.

“So the oldest one is still Skye Isaac Picani-Sanders, right?“ Thomas asked.

“Mon Dieu, we’ve already been over this. The first two names stay the same.“ Logan told him.

“So Jean Ezra stays too?“ Patton asked, with agreement all around. Thomas was bac to writing easily.

“And the youngest doesn’t have a name?“ Emile asked.

“His name’s Ashton Devin. We agreed like a month ago in case we needed another name, remember?“ Remy tod them all.

“Oh, yeah. I remember that.“ Patton exclaimed.

“That seems to fit.“ Logan told him.

“Hey, Ash. Welcome to the family.“ Logan greeted the tiny newborn playing with his hand.

“All three of them.“ Emile reminded him.

“Skye Isaac, Jean Ezra, and Ashton Devin Picani-Sanders.“ Thomas recited off the papers.

“Our family is complete.“ Roman smiled as he looked over the twins holding Skye and Jean.

“For now.“ Patton reminded them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish: ayudame-help me up, Hermanos: Brothers, Murciélago: Bat, Abejorro: Bumblebee, Dios: God
> 
> French: en haut-up, garçons-boys
> 
> Italian: fratello-brother, corretto-correct


	9. First Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby Virgil takes his first steps.

As temporary guardians of these tiny, needy creatures, Deceit was obligated to listen to them and their needs. Not that he hated them, no, he just knew they grew up to hate his guts, the lot of them.

Thankfully, Thomas was stuck with him and neither has the opportunity of escape with big pleading eyes and complete and utter helplessness. He hated that Dragon Witch and her damn curses.

Roman was, at most, four. Logan was the same age, being the left and right brain apparently made them twins. He could have scoffed at Thomas' surprise at that. Oh who would have known they were twins. Patton was two an a half at maximum and Virgil was a crawling one year old.

The one thing that kept him here was, actually, Virgil. He'd never seen the older side so tiny before, it was slightly jarring but somehow cute. This little being, incomplete and unfinished, trusted him with his life. He'd even been called Mama.

But if he was being honest, he wouldn't be anywhere else but listening to Roman and Logan playing knight and dragon, respectfully, watching over Patton as he watched cartoons and drew on some blank paper, and Virgil playing princess with the twins.

Thomas, finally,  _finally_ , came home with food for the kids he'd left twenty minutes ago for.

It had been absolute chaos when he was out. Virgil had cried for ten minutes while trying to figure out how to open the door. Roman had thrown glitter at him. Patton had thrown up on him  _twice._  Logan had tried to go outside to gather bugs for some ungodly readon and ended up covered in mud that required a bath. Then Virgil needed his ciaper changed and Roman had thrown  _even more_ glitter at him until he banned glitter from the household.

Dee heard the distinct babble of Virgil crawling up to Thomas. Virgil, apparently, hadn't walked for a while when he was younger and so he still crawled around at the human equivalent of one year old.

"Daddy lookie, dragon!" He heard the baby proudly proclaim in his broken, slurred English. It was still somehow cute.

"That's really cute, Virgil. Go show Mama." Thomas sounded emotional, like he was about to cry. Expecting a crawling Virgil with a dirty dragon, he looked back to intercept him and pick him up.

"Mama lookie!" Virgil exclaimed as he turned. He looked back to a baby Vigil, big purple and brown eyes wide filled with happiness and determination he'd never seen in them before, standing, holding his dragon up and waving it around to make him look at it.

"Thomas, he's walking! He took his first steps! Take a video!" He could already see the phone in Thomas' hands, recording Virgil. But this was something he definitely wanted on video. He wanted to remember this forever.

"Come to Mama, Baby Bat." He held his hands out to the youngest side and Virgil toddled his tiny self over to im and stuck the dragon in his face.

"Mama, dragon!" Virgil exclaimed happily.

He may have a slobber covered stuffed animal against his face, a mixture of glitter, mud, soap, and bile staining his cloak, and be compltely exhausted from chasing after Roman and Logan. But Deceit might just be the happiest he's ever been despite it.


	10. I Would Die For A Throne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Satan gets a witch husband who hates rules and demands a throne.

Logan sighed as he saw Roman, Death, bringing in yet another rule-breaker. You’d think that the people of Hell would accept their fate eventually. But not this new entry, apparently.

“Let me go, bonehead!“ The witch wrestled from Roman’s strong grip and shook him away, his more inhuman features glowing the hellfire, fang teeth bared and his deep hissing very prominent in the quiet soundproofed castle.

“This witch decided he would bother Virgil and Patton.“ Ah yes, Hades and Persephone over past Thomas, also known as Cerberus, who guarded the divide between their two realms.

“So I guess someone wasn’t a good perso-“ Logan began, only to be cut off by the witch.

“Oh no, I wanted this. Now, give me my throne. I’ve suffered enough dealing with all the stupid people.“ The witch demanded. This sort of threw him through a loop. The last person to ever speak to him like that had been Virgil the last time they’d interacted. His heart felt like it grew sightly from its cold demeanor.

“Wow.“ He managed softly. He turned to Roman. “I think this is what love feels like.” He told his immortal partner. The witch’s mouth turned up in a pleased smirk.

“It is. Marry him.“ Roman alerted him. So that’s just what he did. He married the witch, Emrys, a few months later and the witch got his throne.

Roman and Remy were mostly distracted with each other’s presence the entire ceremony, Patton and Virgil congratulated him on finally finding someone after all these centuries, and Thomas was busy the entire time trying to get Emrys to pet his middle head.

But he and his new husband were happy as could be, especially when Emrys got clearance to use his magic again. Logan didn’t mind, especially not when Emrys decided to simply drape over him when he was on his throne and play with his magic to entertain himself.


	11. Guilt Trips Count As Manipulation Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton overhears Roman and Logan talking about something he shouldn’t have heard about their boyfriend he doesn’t approve of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold like **this** are lies. Anything like _‘this’_ is someone’s thoughts. Anything like ‘this’ is ASL

His room moved to the light side soon after the wedding debacle and his new official acceptance. Not that it quite felt like full acceptance. Tensions were still high between him and Virgil and even higher between him and Patton. But Logan and Roman became something amicable to friends, best friends if Deceit was deluding himself a bit.

This was a big difference from his previous arrangement with the dark sides, of course. The dark side was filled with manipulators, the lot of them, it was hard to deal with every day when he was so vulnerable to them. And they knew it too, of course they did, they’d raised him to be like this. He’d been their obedient easily guilted ‘pet’ as they’d loved calling him.

With Roman and Logan, he didn’t have to feel like he had an obligation to always make them happy. Sure, it made him feel excited when they looked happy with his ideas or his opinion, but that was just a plus side of having friends.

He even eventually admitted he was easily guided into traps with guilt and was highly vulnerable to being guilted into things for others. He trusted them, they were good friends, they were protective too.

They knew his limits, they respected them unlike anyone else he’d ever met, even Virgil. They didn’t force him into things, they even asked him if he’d wanted summons or not before debates began and they themselves were summoned.

He felt loved and wanted for the first time in a long time. Then came Patton finally showing him just what a monster was hiding behind his cute shell, what he really was. He knew, somehow he found out about his inability to stop himself from getting dragged into just about anything with the right amount of guilt.

It started out easy, of course. But he noticed it immediately. That familiar weight of guilt making his stomach twist and his heart throttle his throat. The minute he heard Patton say “If you trusted me, you’d let me talk.” it rendered him physically unable to speak for the rest of the debate.

He felt like crying and he did the second he returned to his room too. He didn’t know if Roman or Logan or both told him but he cut off from everyone else again for the rest of the day. He only spoke to someone when Logan came to get him for dinner. He wasn’t hungry, he didn’t leave his room.

He hated hearing Logan’s disappointed sigh when he told him he wasn’t hungry. Mainly both Logan and Roman knew just how little he’d eaten daily in the dark sides house. But also partially because he genuinely wanted Logan not to feel like he needed to worry about him.

He could handle this. He was soon proven wrong.

Patton decided it wasn’t enough to guilt him once. After seeing it was an effective method of winning debates including Deceit. Patton began using guilt trips as a way to make him simply shut up or ‘sweetly’ bring him to agree with the moral side.

The cycle of his old mindset fell back into place after two years away. It hurt not to feel like he could trust anyone, it physically ached when Logan and Roman didn’t try to interact much.

Everything hurt getting sucked back into the void of guilt. But he couldn’t control that, he knew he was easy to manipulate and he’s somehow let Patton know before that first time.

It was his own fault he was isolated, it was his fault everyone was pulling away again, it was his fault that he was so hard to be around. He began believing Patton, he began falling for it all again until it became too much and he eventually broke down.

And his breakdown was big. Patton had been in the middle of attempting to guilt him into agreeing and he just, he didn’t even know how it happened but, he just snapped and started crying. Not even just crying but full out sobbing as his brain, seemingly, went into full mental breakdown. 

* * *

 

Roman and Logan’s reactions were immediate to check on him while Patton simply glared. Deceit’s hands were covering his ears and his hat had fallen to the floor when he fingers ran through his hair. His nails were currently scratching blood from his scalp.

Roman carefully got his hands from his head from accessible means to scratch at anything. His talons sure did quite extensive damage to his scalp. But Roman intercepted a shaking, crying, blood Deceit against him anyway. His clothes were just that, clothes. He could change them or clean them.

Dee looked so small like this. He was still very much hyperventilating. He looked a mess, a shaking, bloody, crying mess. He ran his hand over Deceit’s neck to try to calm him down.

“Breathe deeply with me.“ Roman reminded him, one hand chancing to let go of Deceit’s right arm, his non-dominant hand so he had less of a chance at hurting himself effectively. He gently brought Deceit’s head further against his shoulder.

He took deeper breaths that Deceit slowly tried to emulate with his own breathing. His breathing was shuddery and gaspy but he slowly was managing to calm down.

“You’re doing great. I’m still here. You’re okay. Keep breathing with me.“ Roman assured him, gentle fingers running over his scales to try to keep him somehow grounded to reality.

“Ew, you touched the scales.“ Patton cringed. Roman bolted his head over and gently covered Deceit’s free ear that wasn’t to his chest to listen to his lungs and Roman glared at Patton.

“And!? He’s having a panic attack!“ Roman growled at the other. He then went back to helping the poor struggling snake. His fingers were gentle when they ran through his hair, skillfully avoiding the new wounds and continuing to calm him down via petting over his scales.

“Patton, you seem unaffected by Deceit’s sudden outburst. Did you expect this?“ Logan sounded mad, not just mad, absolutely livid. He sounded pissed beyond reason. Roman understood, of course, Deceit had been slowly but surely pulling away from them. But he was their friend and Logan would defend his friends to his own demise.

“He’s bad, Logan! He wouldn’t listen to me so I had to make him listen!“ Patton shot back. Logan looked ready to blow a gasket and Virgil was wide-eyed and staring at the whole ordeal from the depths of his hoodie. Thomas couldn’t respond, looking between his aspects with wide eyes and mouth slightly ajar in shock.

“What did you do!?“ Logan snapped at the moral side.

“All I did was a couple guilt trips! It’s not my fault he’s so sensitive!“ Patton argued.

“He’s currently having a panic attack because your guilt tripping and _manipulation_ stressed him to the point of a mental breakdown!“ Logan hissed.

“He needs to toughen up! The world is harsh and he needs to get used to it!“ Patton angrily stomped his foot.

“What world!? Your world!? He doesn’t need the world you live in if this is what you do to him!“ Logan growled.

“He needs to learn that I’m the right one around here! I’m Morality, so I’m always right!“ The moral side told Logan smugly and the logical trait grimaced for a second, hands tightening to fists ready to protect his friend.

Then his eyes got a glint in them, a mischievous one Roman very much remembered from childhood when Logan would do something spiteful.

“Well, I surely hope you learn you’re not the only sentient being in the universe with an opinion.“ He told him evenly and then dropped his tone to a sickly sweet one. “If you didn’t you’d be disappointing me, Patton.“ Logan feigned his slight manipulation to make Patton mad.

Roman could very well protect Dee if Patton were to try to hurt him in his fit of rage. Deceit was calm, but still shaking a bit, in Roman’s arms. He looked the definition of burned out, hair messy and his face red and tear-streaked from crying.

Patton went quiet and his mouth agape at the guilt trip Logan was taunting him with and he then sank out scowling at the knowledge that Logan was guilt tripping him.

“A-Are you okay, Deceit?“ Thomas tried to be calm and gentle with their resident snake as mismatched brown and yellow eyes gazed up with a kind of breakablility that almost broke Roman’s heart and he knew it broke Thomas, with him being the recipient and all.

“ **I’m okay.** “ The snake-like side’s voice was tiny and fragile and Roman rubbed his thumb over his neck to calm him. Roman knew he was lying, obviously. How could he be okay? He just had either mental break or something extremely close to it. he couldn’t possibly be okay.

“You’ll be okay.“ Roman assured him, getting big eyes looking up with a hesitance but trust as he let Roman wipe tears off his face with a conjured tissue.

“I’m sorry. I should…I shouldn’t be…“ Deceit tried to roughly wipe his face only to get stopped and Roman blocked his hands from possibly creating more scratch damage.

“You’re allowed to have emotions.“ Logan assured him. Deceit sniffled.

“I should’ve been stronger. It’s my fault.“

“You were being manipulated. That’s not your fault.“ Thomas told him.

Virgil finally seemed to snap from his shock and ran to the kitchen to get a washcloth and a bowl of cold water. He wet the washcloth in the bowl and carefully dapped it against Dee’s scratches that had, thankfully, stopped bleeding. Deceit winced away at first from the washcloth but soon settled into it and let Virgil get the dark red leaching through his brown hair.

Once he was cleaned up, Thomas wrapped Deceit up in a warm blanket and hugged him.

“Cuddle and Disney movie night together.“ Logan suggested as he looked through Disney movies for anything he thought everyone might like. “Okay, the Tinkerbell movies or the Toy Story movies?“ He asked. This would be a long night, they’d be together for it too.

Tinkerbell was unanimous and they all settled into the couch. Deceit fell asleep buried against Thomas in a fluffy blanket between Roman and Logan with Virgil curled up against Roman’s back, faced toward the movies. And they all made a pact to stop Deceit from agreeing when Patton inevitably tried to guilt him again.


	12. Escape Snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit's pet snake escapes her enclosure.
> 
> [This](https://snowe-zolynn-rogers.tumblr.com/post/186055452793/by-the-way-just-though-you-should-know-what) tumblr post has what the snakes both look like plus Roman and Remus' outfits.

“Dizzy!“ Remus sighed again. This was the third time in just the last half hour Deceit had called or his snake.

“Haven’t you found that thing yet?“ He asked.

“Of course not, that’s why I’m still looking for her.“ The snakelike side glowered at him.

“Ugh, anyway, time to go bother Roman and read my lines.“ Remus announced and, before Deceit could say anything else, Remus popped out.

Today was script reading for the new episode so all the sides would be manifested. Well, Dee would be later after he found Dizzy. But Remus had a couple lines so he may as well go over them now.

Remus decided to manifest next to Roman, making his twin jump and nearly leap over the bannisters to Virgil at his sudden appearance. Virgil tried hard not to laugh, he really did.

But Virgil did end up snickering a bit, not at Remus’ sudden appearance but Roman’s reaction. Even Logan began breaking from his emotionless in-character line-reading and began laughing so much that he had to sit down on the steps next to the anxious side.

It was quite hard not to laugh when Roman very nearly screeched and almost fell over himself as he flung himself at Virgil in panic. The fact that he actually did manage to tackle Virgil onto the stairs made it even better. Remus did avert his eyes away, given his brother was wearing a skirt and he did _not_ want to see up that thing.

“That was great.“ Virgil stifled out, covering his mouth and hiding his laughter with his hoodie over his hands as Roman realized he was on top of him, where they were laying on the stairs now.

“I know, right?“ Roman finally managed to calm down from his near heart attack and readjusted his clothes and turned even redder as he held his tulle skirt.

“Anyway, you have a couple lines, right Remus?“ Patton redirected attention from Roman even though he was stifling his laughter.

“Yeah, I figured get em down now so I don’t forget em later.“

“And terrify your poor twin in the process.“ Roman still feigned anger even though Remus knew it was fake.

“Your poor little southern belle heart had quite a fright didn’t it, Ro?“ He teased.

“It most certainly did!“ The creative side complained as he sat in the corner of the stair landing.

“Remus, is that a snake?“ Thomas asked from the couch.

“No, Deceit’s not coming yet. He’s at home looking for Disney.“ He admitted. Hopefully Deceit would find that damn snake within the next hour or she’d be an escapee all night and Dee would _not_ be happy about that.

“Ah, his snake escaped?“ Virgil asked.

“He has a pet snake?“ Patton huddled away from the dark side.

“Yeah, he’ll find her soon. And he has several snakes.“ Remus assured.

“Is that Disney?“ Logan pointed to his shoulder. He looked over to his shoulder and, sure enough, there was Disney, Dee’s albino superconda hognose snake, sitting with her head directly on his shoulder. He hadn’t felt her with the thick green sweater he was wearing.

“Oh.“ He watched the little escapee slither over his shoulder and down to his neck to wrap around it for security. “Yeah, that’s her.“

“Dedric! We found your snake!“ Deceit popped up in the corner between the couch and window and looked around at the sides from his current stance of having just been looking under something.

“Why am I here? Who summoned me? I’m busy looking for a snake.“ Deceit stood to his full five foot height. He had his lavender hognose named Violet wrapped around his neck.

“Oh hey, Vivi.“ Virgil greeted the other hognose who flicked her tongue toward him in familiarity.

“We found your missing snake.“ Thomas addressed his summoning.

“Where is she?“ Deceit asked.

“Here’s your child.“ Remus held his hands out with the snake that had been climbing on him.

“Oh thank god!“ He held her close and pet her. “Don’t scare me like that ever again, Dizzy.” Said snake flicked her tongue and looked away from him like a scolded child.

“Anyway. Do you want to keep your problem child here or do you want to put her in her terrarium?“ Virgil asked.

“She’s staying here. So I can keep an eye on her.” The snakelike trait told them.

“Now that your snake fiasco is over, let’s try to get back to reading our lines.“ Patton urged them.


	13. You're Brilliant!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit gets his first kiss and goes very much into gay panic.

Deceit felt a jolt. The light sides were manifested. Ugh, why now!? He was busy eating! He wanted to finish his breakfast! He’d barely even eaten one forkful of the eggs on his plate and a bite of the bread.

“Getting summoned?” Remus asked.

“Huh?” He asked, a bit dazed from getting mad at the light sides.

“You only straighten up like that when you’re being summoned.” Remus pointed out. He slouched again and hissed a bit.

“No, the light sides are manifested. They shouldn’t even be debating this. He clearly wants to go to the callback instead of the wedding. There is no discussion _about_ it. This could be the big break for his future!” Deceit complained, giving up and pushing his breakfast away. He didn’t want to eat right now.

“Then you better go straighten em out, Shortstack.“ Remus pulled him up from his chair.

“You’re right. I should. They need to stop making Thomas lie to himself.” Deceit agreed.

“What happens if you don’t get em to listen to you today, Hungry Hungry Hognose?” Remus asked.

“Well, it all else fails today, you can always show up next.” Deceit smirked at him, mischief gleaming in his eyes as he felt Remus pull him into a hug by his upper waist.

“Ah, you’re brilliant, Darling Dee!“ And, before he knew it, Deceit was kissing Remus. When he realized that Remus was kissing him, his face turned red but didn’t have the heart to pull away.

It wasn’t _bad_ just unexpected. Especially since this was the first time he’d kissed someone. How the hell did he kiss back!? How should he respond!? In his panic, he let Remus lead it since he had just about zero clue what to do.

When Remus pulled away, it left Deceit breathless and wide-eyed in shock but somehow made his heart feel warm in his ribcage. What was that feeling? Why was he feeling weird? Why did his heart feel all warm? Was that happiness? It felt like more than that.

“Go get em, Babe. I’ll make you some more food when you get back.” Somehow that fueled him with a near ungodly amount of devotion to the callback. He smiled and illusioned himself as Logan.

And, no matter how mad he was, Remus had another plate of food waiting for him when he came back and he also had Remus to complain to and maybe some more kissing, not that anyone had to know about it.


	14. Roman, Please Don't Run Into Traffic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas very much under-estimates just how willing Roman is to chase after other lgbt+ people.

Pride month was in full swing, of course. That meant that Roman was much more active than usual, being Romance, and he was prone to making bad decisions.

It was almost hilarious at first with Roman insisting to wear a cape that held the gay pride flag’s colors and had slowly progressed to him just bouncing with excess energy and chasing around Thomas’ friends that were part of the LGBT+ community.

It was also adorable at first seeing him hug people. But now it was downright out of control. The last straw was Roman attempting to cross a road after Joan and Thomas had to pull his manifested ‘pseudo-twin’ backward off the road by his shirt to avoid being hit by a car.

Then the child harness was implemented for the rest of the month. Whenever Roman was manifested he was put in a child harness that Thomas could make sure his Creativity didn’t run somewhere he would get hurt.

 _‘Thank god, this only lasts a month.’_ Thomas thought as he pulled Roman’s leash back away from his currently thirty-minute hug with Talyn and back to his side with an apologetic look to his friend. _‘Two more weeks.’_ He thought.


End file.
